Writing an obituary is one of the most meaningful things you'll do for someone you love. It doesn't have to be perfect — it just has to be true. This guide walks you through everything you need, step by step.
Every obituary — regardless of length, tone, or faith tradition — is built from the same six things. If you have these, you have everything you need.
Begin with the person's full legal name — first, middle, last, and any maiden name or suffix. Include any nickname they were known by. Then add their date of birth, the city where they were born, and the date they passed.
This is the factual foundation. Everything else builds from here.
List the people they are survived by — typically spouse or partner, children, grandchildren, and siblings. You may also include close friends, caregivers, or anyone who was truly family to them in spirit.
Also note those who preceded them in death — parents, a spouse, a child, or a sibling who passed earlier.
What did they spend their life doing? A career, a trade, a calling — or the work of raising a family. Include where they worked, for how long, and anything notable about their professional life or service.
Military service belongs here. So does a lifetime of volunteering, a farm they built, or a small business they ran for forty years.
This is where an obituary becomes something people save. What made them them? Their humor, their stubbornness, the way they made everyone feel welcome. The thing they always said. The look they gave you.
This section requires the most thought — and rewards it the most. Don't settle for generic. "She had a big heart" tells no one anything. "She kept a spare key under the mat because she believed everyone deserved a place to land" tells a story.
Were they active in a church, synagogue, mosque, or other faith community? Did they belong to civic organizations, clubs, or teams? What did they do with their free time — gardening, woodworking, fishing, cooking, watching a team they never missed?
These details round out the person. They show what gave life meaning beyond work and family.
Include visitation times and location, the funeral or memorial service details, burial information, and the name of the funeral home if relevant. If the family prefers donations over flowers, note where those can be made.
Be specific with times and locations. People want to show up — make it easy for them.
Want to see what a finished obituary looks like? View example obituaries →
Most obituaries run between 200 and 500 words. Newspaper obituaries are often shorter due to cost per word — sometimes $10–20 per word for print placement. Online obituaries have no strict limit. The right length is however long it takes to honor the person — no longer, no shorter.
Usually a close family member — a spouse, adult child, or sibling. Sometimes a funeral director will assist with the structure and formatting. Increasingly, families use guided writing tools to help them through the process, especially when grief makes it hard to find the words.
Start with the person's full name, age, where they lived, and the date they passed. From there, move into their life story. Some families prefer a more narrative opening — starting with a memory or characteristic detail before the formal information. Either approach is right.
Avoid specific home addresses, full dates of birth if you're concerned about identity theft, and contact information for family members. Keep the focus on celebrating the person's life rather than detailing circumstances of death — unless the family chooses to share them, which is entirely their decision.
Newspaper obituary placement typically costs $200–$900 depending on length, the day of the week, and the publication. Sunday placements in major markets command premium rates. Online memorial pages typically cost $50–$400 through funeral homes or third-party memorial platforms. Writing the obituary itself is separate from publication costs.
A death notice is brief and factual — typically just name, date of death, and service details. An obituary is a fuller tribute that tells the person's life story, honors their character, and celebrates who they were. Death notices are shorter and cheaper to publish; obituaries are more personal and meaningful.
Yes — and many people find it a meaningful thing to do. Writing your own obituary in advance lets you tell your story in your own words, on your own terms. It also relieves your family of a difficult task during an already hard time. Some people write one as part of estate planning or end-of-life preparation.
No. Mentioning cause of death is entirely optional and a personal family decision. Many obituaries simply say the person "passed away peacefully" or "passed away surrounded by family" without specifying cause. There is no requirement, and no right or wrong answer.
Absolutely. If humor was central to who they were, an obituary that makes people smile — or laugh out loud — is a fitting tribute. The goal is always to reflect the person honestly. For some people, laughter is the most honest form of love, and the most lasting way to be remembered.
"Preceded in death" refers to family members who died before the person being remembered. It is the standard way to acknowledge loved ones no longer living — a spouse, parent, sibling, or child who passed earlier. It is the counterpart to "survived by."